


we were (almost) a masterpiece

by orphan_account



Series: this is (not) love [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Violence, im not kidding this is sad, liberal use of metaphors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-27
Updated: 2015-12-27
Packaged: 2018-05-09 16:11:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5546780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Together they burnt everything in their path. Apart, they were far, far worse.<br/>They were not in love.<br/>But this is a love story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	we were (almost) a masterpiece

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into English available: [近乎完美](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6057978) by [misamisa711](https://archiveofourown.org/users/misamisa711/pseuds/misamisa711), [orphan_account](https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account)



> I'm sad trash.

They did not pretend to love each other, they did not bother with niceties and neither of them bothered to look each other in the eyes to see what was inside.

They kissed on occasion, sometimes fucked, and once they even held hands.

It was rough and coarse; they both had too much power and yet never had enough. Hux knew they would never be more than this; more than this abrasive disaster.

Together they were a supernova, burning everything they touched, but apart they were something much, much worse.

Alone Kylo Ren was a black hole, absorbing, sucking, dragging, and exploding when it all became too much.  

Alone Hux became cold.  

Neither of them could truly say they cared for the other, but they couldn’t stand to be apart.

 

When they kissed Hux could feel Ren’s heart beating in his neck and hands and chest; fast, heavy. Truly, it was a wonder how someone so powerful could leave themselves so open and exposed. 

When they kissed they both fought for control, tearing at the edges and shredding what was left. Neither of them won, but Hux always came close, and at the end they were both left bloody and bruised.

When they kissed, Hux wondered if it was what love felt like.

He was wrong.

Kylo Ren was never able to sneak up on the General.

It was an unofficial game that they played. Ren would try and surprise Hux. He would always loose.

‘I don’t see why you even try,’ Hux would say to the annoyed warrior.

‘Try what?’ Ren would snap, voice crackling slightly through his mask. 

Hux would roll his eyes and turn away.

Sometimes after these moments, they would stand together in silence, and they both knew that the other was thinking of other, pondering on things that would never be.

Then Hux would walk away; he was always the first to leave.  

Other times though, when they were alone, they would meet in the middle and wouldn’t think of anything.  

 

After they fucked, and as they lay letting the momentary peace wash over them, Kylo Ren would lay his head on Hux’s chest and curl around the other man’s body.

It was a pathetic grab for the comfort and attention that Kylo yearned for. To Hux it was weak, and Ren knew it.

But Hux would always give in, would always pander the neediness. His hands would curl themselves in Ren’s sweaty hair and stoke his back. They would lie like this for minutes or hours, basking in each other’s warmth both of them to repulsed to move.

Sometimes, after the silence grew too heavy to bear, Hux would ask Ren what his real name was. Kylo Ren would always stiffen and freeze; anger crawling its way up his spine and into his brain, and Hux would always leave before something happened.

But one time, Kylo Ren did answer, his voice a broken whisper. Then they lay in bed until Hux fell asleep.

When he woke he was alone and empty. There was a gaping hole in his side and he _knew_ that Ren (Ben) had taken something. Through that pain, that numbness, he decided he must be in love.

Hux wasn’t truly in love, not really, but he almost cared and that was almost enough.   

 

When Hux found Ren, lying on the snowy forest floor, the other man was torn to pieces.

Ren was shaking and twitching. His hands, his face, his body; everything was covered in blood. Mouth twisted open in a silent scream.

Before Hux lay a man who had been broken, probably beyond repair, and as he carried Ren’s shaking body towards warmth; Hux knew that it was his duty to try and fix Kylo Ren. He probably wouldn’t succeed, but someone needed to piece this man back together.

And when Hux lay him down on the dirty med cot, Ren whimpered softy; eyes brimming with sadness and pain and a fury untameable.

‘What should I do?’ Hux had asked; his voice clear and strong, his fingers running through Ren’s damp hair.

‘Go,’ Ren rasped, his voice splintering into shards of glass.

As Hux walked away, hands sticky with bloody, he felt a coldness spread; freezing his heart and numbing his head.

 

Months later, Kylo Ren had come storming back; a hurricane of a newly controlled wrath that had been wielded into a weapon of finesse and terror.

Hux was not surprised, but when his eyes traced the ragged scar that dominated Ren’s face, he almost felt sad. Not really, but almost.

Kylo Ren had come back changed; he no longer exploded in violence and rage, he had become cold and he was cruel. Before he had been a man with too much power and too little control, but he had become a _monster._  

Before, he had charged forwards always looking forwards. After, he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the stars.

But not everything had changed. Ren could still never sneak up on the General, and when they kissed, fighting desperately for control, Hux would still almost win.

They still fucked, and they still lay in each other’s arms.

One time, Ren (or maybe it was Ben, desperately reaching for the surface) had cried. Had sobbed as he lay in Hux’s arms. Neither of them spoke of it, but in that moment Hux remembered his promise. His promise to try and put Ren back together. He hadn’t kept that promise.

In that moment, Hux wanted to cry. Had wanted to scream and tear the galaxy apart. Instead he fell asleep with his hands tangled in Ren’s hair.

The next morning, for the first time in a lifetime, he hadn’t woken up alone.

 

Hux was not surprised when Kylo Ren had become Ben Solo. When he left the Order.

But as he stood in front of Snoke, his heart dried up. And then it shattered.

In its place was a dying star. Cold and deserted, imploding in on itself.

Gradually, the freeze spread throughout his body, leaving it a hostile, barren place in its wake.   

Ren had left him cold and alone, and as Hux revelled in the calm (the calm _after_ the storm) he wondered if he had been in love. He hadn’t, but he had been heartbroken anyway.

 

The last time they saw each other, General Hux was dying.

It was the final battle, and the Resistance had won; crushing the First Order beneath its feet and dancing on its bones. But Hux was still smiling, because for once Kylo Ren had snuck up on Hux, and this time it was the only time it really mattered.

This time, Kylo Ren had snuck up on Hux, and had pieced his chest with his burning sword.

Hux had fallen, and Ren had caught him.

Hux lay in Ren’s arms; body drowning in its own blood.

Neither of them said a word, but Kylo Ren had grasped his hand and stroked his hair. This time, they were covered in Hux’s blood, this time _he_ was broken beyond repair.

But when Hux looked up at Ren, Ren was smiling and he was crying.

Hux closed his eyes and let the warmth grow, let it spread.

Finally, his heart began to thaw.

They weren’t in love, but this is what love feels like.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading.  
> My star wars blog: poeskywallker.tumblr.com  
> Comments are always appreciated.


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